Homeschooling with Depression, Part I – Survival Tips
I have been dealing with depression* off and on for much of my life, and although people don’t talk about it much, I’m beginning to learn that many homeschooling moms struggle with the same issue. Sometimes we struggle for a season; sometimes we struggle for longer. I’ve found that there are definitely certain things that I rely on to help me get through my days.**
Simple Pleasures
It helps to have something simple that you can find joy in. Even when we have trouble finding true joy, sometimes there are small things that make us smile. In the summer, I make lemonade and put fresh mint in it. In the winter, I take hot bubble baths at night. Because I love my purple pens, I only write with purple. I light candles that smell pretty and make me smile. What are simple things you enjoy? Do them.
Some Is Better Than None
Often we are racked with guilt over what we are not doing, thinking if we’re not reaching our goals, we’ve failed. It is important to remember that some is better than none!
When homeschooling our children, some math is better than none. Some read-aloud is better than none. Concentrate on what you are doing instead of what you’re not doing but think you should be.
Success Lists
Some people call these to-do lists. I call them success lists. The key is to keep the tasks achievable. And if you accomplish something that was not written on your list, for heaven’s sake, write it down and check it off! You will feel better when you see what you have done.
Spot Check Schoolwork
Correcting schoolwork is overwhelming. Especially in grade school, you can release yourself from the need to correct every paper. Spot checking is fine. By checking every few days, or every few problems, you will save yourself time and still be able to determine if your child is learning.
Use Your Slow Cooker
The slow cooker is my new best friend for a few reasons. One is that I can make dinner earlier in the day when I have energy before I am completely worn out. Another is that it allows dinner time to be more flexible and thus less stressful. Besides those reasons, my slow cooker recipes are normally well-rounded meals with everything all in one pot. My favorite recipe is King Ranch Chicken, but be sure to check out all the wonderful options at Crockin’ Girls.
Move More
Professionals say exercise. I think that’s a scary word, so I just try to move more. Whatever you call it, it has been proven to help depression. So get out. Walk around the block. The sunlight will help. Or play a dance game on your game console.
Get Off Facebook!
Facebook can be like reading a thousand Christmas letters all at once where everyone shares their achievements and successes and we rarely see their struggles. We automatically compare ourselves to our Facebook friends and feel we’re failing. When I am struggling, I turn off my Facebook account and take a break until I can handle it again.
A Team of Friends
Find a few friends you can rely on. I have a small handful of friends who really know me and walk through life with me. I’ve found that as much as I sometimes don’t want to share, I need to have more than one friend I can open up to, or, sadly, I risk burning my friends out. So carefully build a team of close friends and be real with them. Sometimes just bringing your problems into the light makes the load lighter.
Seek Help
If you think you’re dealing with depression, it is important to get help. Talk to your doctor. Find a Christian counselor. Your church might have a Stephen Ministry which can help you through difficult times. You might even consider medications for short periods of time. Don’t try to suffer through depression alone!
*If you’re not sure if you have depression, The Mayo Clinic has some great information.
**I am not a doctor or a counselor. These are just practical tips to help you get through your days. If you are suffering from depression, please see a health care professional.
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Comments (15)
I am a mother of five boys who are in 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th grade. I homeschool the younger 4. I suffer from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and agorophobia. If that isn’t a challenge enough I have to prepare lesson plans to send with my sons every other week when they go to their dads (week on week off). Sometimes I feel so down I am ready to give up. I dont because I know I am doing what is best for my children. I just keep reminding myself this too will pass. Things will get better. This post has given me some great ideas. especially on those stressful day when no one wants to do what they are told and I am ready to have a meltdown and my fiance has not gotten home from work yet. Love the crock pot ideas. I need to get one. Dinner….actually getting to the point of making dinner….can often be stessful and difficult. Sometimes we dont eat untill eight or nine. Then I feel like a failure again. Often times I struggle with getting motivated enough to even get up and do the dishes. It is like a mountain is sitting on top of me and i cannot move. I will do it later….my famous last words. I dont know wh I do it to myself. Procrastination just depresses me more and makes me feel like I let every one down. Okay, I will stop talking now. I just felt I could express myself here. I dont have a supportgroup really.
I feel so much of what you are saying. I have a hard time enjoying anything. I know I’m depressed and have been for years but the ambivalent feelings seem to be more and more prevalent. I am no fun with my kids. They usually get on my nerves. It’s like I don’t know how to enjoy anythibg or anyone. I don’t know who I am anymore. I hate it that this is the example of a mother they are living with. I read about upbeat, structured women and I dream of being like that. They get their school ng dine but barely and I want to make it more fun and interesting but I can barely get through the day sometimes. I have no energy and such negatively in my head that I combat.
This? Wise, practical, and straight from the heart. I know your words will encourage many moms. Bless you, sweet friend!
Lots of wisdom here for those on the homeschool journey. I would add that if you think you aren’t getting enough math (or whatever) done, realize that what you’re doing for your children goes far beyond academics. Besides, given today’s public schools, you can hardly do worse! 🙂
I truly think you could do worse, and i have seen it. I think we need to be humble enough and willing to admit when we need help and specialize in showing our dependence on Christ. If homeschooling becomes an idol I am willing to sacrifice my children and my health on it is still an idol.
Thank you for a compact, straight-forward list of helping others deal with some of the same issues you deal with as a woman, mom, wife and teacher. I, too, am all those things, including depressed. I was diagnosed over 20 years ago and take medication for it. My teen daughter also has the same issue that stems from her Asperger’s Syndrome. I think my husband is the one who should be depressed since he lives with us and so lovingly deals with our moods and needs. He is a “stay-at-home” working husband after 26 years at a company desk job. And when you add our 4 pets to the mix, it spells ‘chaos’! I wouldn’t have seen this if I weren’t on Facebook, but I believe I will take your advice in that area for sure, as well as many others. I appreciate your list! Prayer helps me as well!
I so agree with you! Great advice!
Your links don’t work though.. 🙂
My problem is finding some true friends who really care. Everybody seems so busy that they don’t have time for one another. Great article!
Exercise is a wonder and eating fruit and vegetables every chance you get. I feel better when I eat whole grains and less sugar. I just have to be careful or I will be paralyzed. What I do and how I eat effects me immensely. I don’t have a strict diet or exercise, but I keep reaching for that fruit and those walking shoes every chance I get.
It took me about 10 years to realize I had developed a few very good Christ centered friendships. Friendship is work, but as you pray and seek for that support you will find other women who are where you are and need your friendship as much as you need theirs. Eventually some friendships will be weeded out and that can be painful, but try to be patient. I have found my greatest friends in Mom’s who had great needs as I did, loved Jesus, and we are able to encourage, support, pray for, forgive, serve and bless one another. At one point I felt so alone with only superficial, ill personality matched acquaintances, but God brought others in and those relationships ebbed away. I have learned to allow people to feel however they want about me. It is none of my business. I am blessed to have a few dear friends.
Also thank you. I needed this encouragement. I felt so disgusted with myself today, but after reading your article I stopped, and thought about all we did accomplish and realized it was something good even though every hour was not packed with reaching my goals and engaging learning activities. They probably watched one too many cartoons this morning, but the few things that were not too painful and I pushed myself to do blessed us all. We got no math done today, but we read a chapter, did a drawing, went to church, made a Syrian snack with our GA group and talked a little about the culture of our refugee brothers and sisters in Christ, prayed, read God’s word, enjoyed fellowship. We accomplished more than I thought we could today! God willing we can do some math tomorrow. Just keep pushing your self to do the things you need to, but if you are overwhelmed give yourself permission to put it off, or do part of it. I mean it took me a week to get to the grocery store, but we managed in between. My husband did not mind stopping on the way home for things. Now I have a great sense of accomplishment having some food in the house to cook this week! I got zero housework done today, but wait I did do the dishes! A few days ago I scrubbed the toilets, next day did a load of laundry. I may not be able to get it all done everyday, but like this author said, count your accomplishments and try to do what you can when your energy is up. When your exhausted give yourself permission to rest! God understands and loves you.
I love your tips, I have suffered from Bi-Polar disorder (Manic depression is the old term) for 9 years now diagnosed but longer before we figured it out. I have one more tip, especially if the day is headed south, chuck the schoolwork and declare a unschooling (hour, day, week, month, however long you need to refresh but immediately) day and get thee outside in the fresh air and sunshine and soak up God’s glory. I know getting it all together and stepping out the door is sometimes nigh impossible, but just standing on the porch has helped sooo much somedays when I thought I was going to burst from the weight of it all! And when dinner is looming KISS (keep It Simple Sweetie) grilled cheese and soup or PBJ and veggies and dip and call it good! The kids will love it anyway! And Misty you have described me and my days to a T, ever have days you just can’t get out of bed until noon? Yep that’s me.
Wow. I’m in tears. Thank you for understanding.
Just finding this post. Thank you for speaking about this sensitive topic. I am a veteran homeschooling mom of 18 years with depression and anxiety issues. At one point, 2 years ago, i reached an all-time low and put all 5 of my children in school for a semester. I am just now putting most back in for good because if this issue. I have started a blog for burnt out homeschooling moms, former hs moms, and moms considering sending kids to school http://rest-for-the-weary.blogspot.com.
Hello, I, too, am struggling right this moment. I have 2 in homeschool and a younger child to keep busy. My older child HATES school with a passion and every day is a struggle. Thing is, school here is terrible and I honestly feel like having them here with me is the best option, but I rarely find joy in doing daily schoolwork…so much that I feel like I’m not giving enough to my younger child who is really an “A” student. I want to continue to encourage that and pour into her all I can because she truly just loves to learn and be in an a learning environment, etc. I am so overwhelmed and I am tired of burdening my husband and even my accountability group because in reality everybody is struggling in some way or another. I’ve prayed and I know that’s the true answer, but it’s getting harder and harder to do that. I, too, feel like a failure and it’s spilling over into all other aspects of my life. I honestly don’t know what to do…can’t afford counseling. Just stuck.
Happened on your post and wanted to send some support and encouragement your way:
First, inexpensive and/or free counseling is available through local colleges and universities at a faction of the cost of private therapists (some offer a sliding fee scale averaging $5 to $20 per session). You can also contact a local church, synagogue or mosque for help.
Second, some kids HATE schoolwork because it runs against the grain of their natural curiosities/interest. Consider unschooling your older child and homeschooling your younger. There is no right way; there’s only what works best for your family.
Third, connect with other homeschoolers so you can socialize with adults. We are all in it together– and it aint always easy!
Thank you for showing me I’m not alone!!!