Tragedy is a common denominator throughout history. Where we find people, we find tragedy. We don’t like it, but it’s there to grapple with.

But when should we wrestle with tragedy? As it happens? When the dust settles? Never? Always? And what about the children? When do we discuss the terrible bits of humanity’s story? Do we ever? Do we hope – in vain – that they will never learn of it?

As a parent, I often pondered: Should we discuss historical tragedy with children?

My simple answer: Yes. And no. And yes again.

Yes, Talk About History-Making Tragedy

If we leave out the painful parts of our history, as humankind, nation, family, or an individual, we leave out that which has shaped us, that which has influenced our decisions.

We need not dwell on tragedy daily —that would be depressing—but we do need to bring it up, chew on it, swallow what we must, and thank God for His mercies and grace to change our understanding about historical events and responses, since we cannot change the historical facts themselves (although textbooks have tried).

Children Need to Know

Children need to know the world was not a perfect place (after Adam’s bite, I mean). If they think the world is perfect and peaceful, they will have a painful shock when it rears its head, as it does for all of us.

The bite that Adam took gave us what we wanted: knowledge of good and evil. Now we wish we didn’t know.

But we do. So what do we do with it?

Key to Discussing Tragedy with Children

The key to sharing historical tragedy with children is to keep it light enough for them to carry, but heavy enough that it is true.

We can discuss Stephen’s stoning, for example, without describing bits of flesh being stuck to the stones. But we wouldn’t want to turn the stones into beanbags, either.

“Stephen died from a bean bag fight?”

Sifting tragedy through the sieve of parental understanding, the answer to the question, “Should we discuss tragedy with children?” is also no.

No, Refrain from Discussing History-Making Tragedy

As a parent, it is one of our privileges to know our children, what they have been exposed to, what they need help understanding.

We won’t always guess correctly, but we are guessing with our children’s best interests in the short-term and the long-term in mind.

Finding yourself sharing bits of the event is okay.

Some subjects are just too heavy for young children to carry, no matter how we partition them.

There is a time to discuss, and there is a time to delay discussing.

Subjects Too Close to Home

Some history-making tragedies seem too close to home.

If we live in the desert, for example, and watch the news of the Middle East, children may think the battle is in their backyard.

Use Maps to Create Distance

Use a map to show that the war in the desert on the news or that their friend was talking about is far, far away from where you live.

If they ask questions, answer until they are satisfied or you get terribly uncomfortable. Some subjects lend themselves to discomfort and understandably so.

Just because children see some of the news, doesn’t mean they can handle all of the news? I mean, can we as adults?

At some point, we reach saturation and must turn off the pain. Children’s thresholds are typically crossed sooner rather than later.

And finally, there is no finally.

The answer to our question will, as the children grow, swing back around to …

Yes, We Need to Talk About History-Making Tragedy

As a child’s understanding of world events – past and present – grows, they will revisit painful memories of international, national, familial, and personal interest.

Be available to discuss their new depth of understanding, their deeper thought processes and the new difficult emotions they may experience.

Parenting isn’t over when the history book closes.

Parenting isn’t over when the history book closes. The process of understanding has just begun.

Begin with your children, walk with your children, and lead them to courage to face the past so they can face the future, whatever heart-wrenching moments in history await their generation.

That’s not hopelessness speaking, that’s hope and courage urging us to overcome.

The key to sharing historical tragedy with children is to keep it light enough for them to carry, but heavy enough that it is true.